Log from November 28th:
So many Scarlet-marked have swarmed. The Runner group thought it was an attack, but I managed to convince them that I'm not among their ranks. I 'confessed' - told them I'm Running from the Red Cap, a reformed sexual deviant. Or, at least, one who got a taste of that lifestyle and ran scared. I lingered long enough to get a fistful of logs from my Mistress, all undated. Now that they're all asleep, I'll post them, here.
...Most of them, because some were just too upsetting for me to read, let alone write.
The re-fuelling last night has left me completely jazzed. I feel high enough to climb a mountain, jump off, and fly over the world, flipping off all the little sodomites who helped me get to where I am today. Not an offensive flipping-the-bird, I'd like that clarified - the kind that's an instruction. And, 'god' bless them, I know they'd do it too.
So apparently, being Numbed after puberty doesn't cancel out aforementioned puberty. So, it is actually possible to be one of the Children of the Cold and Scarlet-marked, simultaneously. You just risk some serious frostbite.
The more you know!
I'm getting increasingly conflicted over this Great Game business. I mean, taking out other Fears sounds like fun, but I'm seeing a lot of merit to some of these guys. EAT is one kinky bitch, for example. Seriously, we just bond. Also, with the popularity surge for zombies, even the decaying Dying Man shards are managing to get some fucked-up action.
I mean, do I ever want to see that again? God, no. Not just because of the corpse factor... It was like if I'd walked in on Jack, doing the horizontal tango. I practically raised him, you know? In his never-aging, forever-a-child kind of way.
At least it's boosting my decision to refrain from taking any of these suckers out, myself. I'll get my Marked on killing other proxies, once they've dealt with Russ. He still pisses me off, so I figure why the hell not kill him?
In the meantime, I'll just throw more orgies. Seems to be the answer to most things.
It's actually hilarious. Not even I understand my motives, anymore.
Got to give 'myself' a bit of credit. At least 'I' had a plan, before. I don't really want to keep following that plan just out of fuck-you principle, but seriously, what am I supposed to do now?
I'm losing direction. Getting introspective, and shit. That's how I know things are really wrong, because [REDACTED]. I ought to be focusing on that, because I think I'm giving the poor guy a complex. Not fair to him, since he's doing a perfectly decent job down there.
I think it's high time I headed back to my Priestess. No word about whether or not Russ got to her, and I'm sure I would've heard something, otherwise...so, I might as well. Maybe that'll give me some of my focus back.
While I'm thrilled that the conclusion my Mistress seems to have reached is that she'll return to me...the other logs given to me were all, essentially, pornography. Telling the world about the acts of depravity she has been indulging in, to get strong again.
It makes my heart ache.